The Many Ways To Kill Dylan
by Jabberjay
Summary: The ways to kill Dylan! :D Originally Death By FANGirls. T for character death.
1. Death By FANGirls

**Me: This story is the product of my boredom.**

**Maya: So it's quite short.**

**Me: On with the story!**

**Maya: You forgot the disclaimer, Al.**

**Me: Oh yeah! I'm not JP, so obviously I don't own MR.**

**Maya: So don't sue her.**

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><p>The Flock and Dylan were strolling in the park, having some unusual peace and quiet. "Max? Why are there girls running towards us?" Fang asked, squinting at the mob of people running towards them. "They must be my fangirls, since I'm <em>so <em>handsome. Plus, I can sing really well!" Dylan said proudly. The whole Flock inwardly rolled their eyes. Max said, "We'll see what it is. If it's some Erasers or Flyboys or whatever, U and A, okay?" Everyone nodded, and braced themselves for a fight. "ZOMG! It's really Fang!" Squealed one of the girls. _Oh no, it's those FANGirls, AGAIN! _Max thought. The last time they saw those FANGirls they almost caused a stampede, just to get to see and touch Fang. "Everyone! It's those fangirls again! Up and away, NOW!" Max commanded, and they all extended their wings to fly away. Everyone except for Dylan, who still thought those girls were crazy about him, **(A/N: In your dreams!)** and wasn't there the first time the Flock met the FANGirls. Since Fang was already out of their reach, one of the FANGirls wailed, "Noooo! We were so close to touching Fang!" Hearing this, Fang smirked, while Max glared at him. "Hey, wait!" Another FANGirl said, noticing Dylan. "Isn't that the clone that prevented Fax from happening?" "WHAT?" All of the FANGirls screeched, "HE'S HERE?" "You ruined Fax!" A girl screamed and hit Dylan right on the face. All of the girls pounced on him, and started beating him up and/or screaming at him. Even though could fight, a mob of angry FANGirls was no match for him. The Flock didn't even bother helping him, since they all hated him. They beat him up until they were satisfied, and once they were, they stalked away. "Shouldn't we help him?" Angel asked, even though she didn't want to help. "Nah, he'll just get in our way again. Nice of them to help us kill him." Iggy replied. "Yeah," Gazzy snickered. Nudge babbled, "OMG did you see those girls, they were like punching him in his gut and then they shouted like mad, just because they really hated him, and Dylan's gonna die. Wow they want Max and Fang to be together so much that they actually—" "Yeah, okay, let's just go." Max interrupted her. And the flock flew away, leaving Dylan down there, dying and thinking, _I can't believe my fans loved me so much that they actually fought over me!_

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><p><strong>Me: Told you it was cliche.<strong>

**Maya: And I told you to write this.**

**Me: You didn't. My brain did.**

**Maya: I'm in your brain, remember? *facepalm***

**Me: Oh yeah. So, review! I'll give you a virtual hug and/or virtual chocolate cake if you do!**


	2. Death By Angel

**Me: I wrote a new chapter because #1, I had 3 reviews! :D Thanks!, and #2, because I'm in a good mood. **

**Maya: And why?**

**Me: My friend is officially a Dylan hater now! :) And I got Son Of Neptune! :D I also finally finished season one of Fringe!**

**Maya: Yeah, her friend became a Dylan hater because Al influenced her...**

**Me: NOT TRUE. Anyway, I'm not JP, so don't sue me. There's also a teeny weeny implied Fax here, and A LOT of implied Eggy.**

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><p>Dylan walked casually into Angel's room, and smiled at Angel, who was reading a book. Angel looked up from her book and asked, "Yes?" Dylan smirked and said, "Angel, I want you to do me a favour…" "What?" "Control Max, and tell her to love me." Dylan stated bluntly. Angel gasped, shocked. "WHAT?" She shouted. "NO!" "If you don't, I'll tell Max about the Voice in your head, and tell her that it wants you to take over as the leader." Dylan hissed. Angel bit her lip nervously. She couldn't control Max, but she really didn't want Max to know about what her voice said. <em>I knew I shouldn't have told him about my Voice. <em>"I'll... I'll see what I can do." Angel muttered. "Good," Dylan replied. "By the next hour, I want to see her with me, and not that emo boy." Dylan then left, leaving Angel perplexed.

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><p>"Dylan?" Angel called, walking into the living room, where Dylan was. "Yeah?" He asked. "Have you done the deed?" "No!" Angel snapped. "I won't do it." "Oh yeah? Then—" Dylan stopped midsentence. Angel clenched her small fists and said angrily, "How dare you blackmail me? You... You _!" Angel spat out the word she heard Max say when she found Ella and Iggy making out. "What? You—" Again, Dylan stopped midsentence when Angel commanded in a creepy voice, controlling his mind, "You shall pay. No one messes around with me. You shall suffocate yourself until you die."<p>

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><p>When Nudge came out of her room with her iPod, she saw a dead body on the floor. She took out her earphones and screamed, causing The Flock to run out of their rooms, except for Angel, who was slowly walking out of her room, a smile on her face. "It's Dylan! He's dead!" Gazzy gasped. "WTH?" Total muttered, while Iggy had an amused look on his face, obviously enjoying the thought of Dylan being dead. "Cool! So was there blood around him? Or like a knife sticking out of his body or something?" Iggy said eagerly. The Nudge Channel instantly turned on, "HE DIED! That's so freaky! What happened? Maybe he got an expiration date! OMG that's so—" "Oh well," Max said. "We never liked him anyway." Hearing this, Fang nodded. "I'll dispose the body," Fang said quietly. He then dragged the body out of the door. Nobody noticed Angel, who was looking at the dead body with a slight smirk on her face.<p>

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><p><strong>Maya: Where's the rock candy?<strong>

**Me: Sorry, my brother ate them all.**

**Maya: WHAT? stalks off to find my brother**

**Me: Oh, boy. Anyway, review! Suggest new ideas, like Asylum Survivor. I'll try to put in your ideas!**


	3. Death By Haters

**Me: I kinda decided to change this story to 'T' because it contains character death.**

**Maya: Uh-huh. Now do the disclaimer thing!**

**Me: I don't own Maximum Ride, sadly. (*sniffs*)**

**Maya: Asylum Survivor contributed to this chapter!**

**Me: Yeah! Thanks, Survivor! :D**

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><p>Dylan picked up the mail from the mailbox and saw one addressed to him. <em>No doubt fan mail.<em> He thought smugly as he opened it.

_Dear Dylan, _it said/stated.

_WARNING: THIS IS NOT A FANMAIL. _

_We hate you. If you get as close as an inch to Max, we will drug you, kidnap you, beat you up, dump you in acid, and drown you in an Olympic-sized pool. After you drown and explode, we would resurrect you from the dead and chop your wings off, put 'em in a blender, force-feed you your own wings (feathers and all), and throw you off the Empire State Building. Then we would put your mangled body through a branch shredder, dance on the pieces, burn them into ashes, and throw them all over the place as confetti to celebrate your death._

_I hope you take our warning seriously._

_From, _

_AccioFax and Asylum Survivor._

Dylan raised an eyebrow after reading the mail, not taking their words seriously. _As if they would dare do that! _He crumpled the piece of paper up, and threw it in the dustbin.

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><p>"Max... Just dump Fang and come to Germany with me..." Dylan said, trying to woo Max again. Before Max could respond, Dylan forcefully pressed his lips on hers. However, Max was stronger than him and pushed him away. She punched his face and snapped, "As if I'd ever like you! Stay away from me, you (insert-swear-word-of-choice-here) person!" She then stomped back into her room. Unfortunately, Dylan, as dumb as he was, didn't get the hint. <em>She must be playing hard to get. <em>He didn't notice two people staring daggers at him through the window, looking ready to kill him.

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><p>Dylan opened his eyes wearily when he heard a thumping sound in the room. "What the...?" He could barely finish his sentence as the drug inside him took effect. The last thing Dylan saw before fainting were two figures, covering him with a sack.<p>

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><p>"When Dylan woke up, he was covered in bruises and was bleeding in various places. "You should have listened to our warning," A girl said coldly. "Now, you'll pay." She dragged him into a big pool, and dumped him in. She then helped her partner get the branch shredder out.<p>

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><p><em>The next day…<em>

After killing Dylan, AccioFax and Asylum Survivor held a party to celebrate Dylan's death, and invited many Dylan haters. Confetti, A.K.A Dylan's ashes were strewn all over the floor, and many people were overjoyed upon hearing the fact that Dylan was dead through the internet. The Flock, of course, joined the party since they hated Dylan _so _much.

**Maya: Wow. You guys really hate Dylan A LOT.**

**Me: Obviously. *rolls eyes***

**Maya: *reads fanfic* You used a branch shredder. Oh my gosh. *backs away slowly***

**Me: Just ignore her. Anyway, REVIEW AND GIVE ME IDEAS! :)**


	4. Death By Bombs

**Me: ARGH! I'm running out of ideas!**

**Maya: Right. Help her!**

**Me: *wails* yes!**

**Maya: She doesn't own MR.**

**Me: Obviously. Pppfft. I told you guys that 3 times already...**

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><p>"Okay, that's it. Where did you put the bombs?" Max snapped, her patience wearing out. Iggy and Gazzy shrugged lazily.<p>

"Max, don't you know us by now? We'll _never_ tell you where the bombs are," Iggy stated.

"Even if I ban you from the kitchen?"

Iggy's face visibly became pale(r), and he protested, "But… There won't be any edible food! We'll starve to death!"

"And I'll die from lack of spaghetti!" Gazzy added dramatically.

"And all these could have been avoided, if only a certain blind pyro and his assistant would have told me WHERE THOSE BOMBS WERE HIDDEN!" Max shouted.

_So, death by lack of edible food, or death by lack of bombs? _Iggy mused, then decided he'd rather die of lack of bombs, than die of lack of edible food AND Max's screaming. "It's in the Golden Retriever's room," Gazzy told Max, and Iggy shouted, "But not for long!" Whipping out a controller, he pressed a red button.

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><p>Dylan hummed 'Baby' by Justin Bieber as he arranged his hair for the sixteenth time. He stopped when he heard a ticking sound that was coming from behind the toilet bowl. He looked at the contraption for a few seconds, then picked it up to study it. <em>Must be some sort of clock. <em>That was the last thing he thought as the bomb let out a long high-pitch squeal, and exploded right on his face.

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><p>"See, Max? We helped you get rid of him!" Gazzy said happily. "Fine. Thanks." Max muttered, while her mind was screaming in joy.<p>

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><p><strong>Me: Review, please!<strong>

**Maya: *sigh* She's so desparate she's begging.**


	5. Death By Harry Potter

**Me: Well. I just listened to the playlist that had all the angsty songs on my iPod.**

**Maya: She's real depressed.**

**Me: Yeah. Oh gosh, the song Last Kiss (By Taylor Swift) makes me want to cry.**

**Maya: Right. Disclaimer time!**

**Me: I don't own Maximum Ride, nor Harry Potter. Yes, characters from HP comes out in this chapter. :)**

=:=

Max flew further away from Dylan. Apparently, he did not understand what Max had said: _Get out of my life!/I HATE YOU! _"Max... Stop playing so hard to get," Dylan whined. Max rolled her eyes, not bothering to answer since she knew he wouldn't get her hint to _LEAVE HER ALONE. _She landed, and saw a boy with red hair and tons of freckles, a girl with frizzy brown hair, and a boy with round glasses and startling green eyes. They all stared at her in curiousity, while she stared back in silence. The silence was broken when Dylan landed, screaming, "WAIT FOR ME, MAX!"

The boy with red hair looked at Dylan, then said to the boy in glasses, "Bloody git, Harry. You really need to work on your apparation."

The boy in glasses, supposedly named Harry, bristled and snapped, "Well, it wasn't _my _idea to apparate, was it, Ron? It was Hermione's!"

The girl rolled her eyes and snapped, "Stop bickering. Can't you see we have two muggles here?"

"Uh, hi?" Max said, not knowing what to do. "Who the heck are you, and how did you appear from out of thin air?"

"Well–" Harry started, but stopped when he saw the scar on Dylan's arm. "You're a death eater?" He glared at Dylan and took out his wand, pointed it at him, and yelled "Stupefy!" Instantly, Dylan fell to the floor, unconscious.

Max looked up at him, stunned. "Did you just kill him with that piece of wood? Wow!"

"Not kill him. Stun him," Hermione pointed out.

"Shouldn't we kill him? He may wake up, then tell You-Know-Who where we are." Ron said. He then looked at Max, who was still staring at Harry in shock, then added, "We should also _Obliviate _her."

"We'll kill him, but I don't think we should _Obliviate _the muggle. She has wings! She may be a new species of monsters or something." Harry replied after thinking awhile.

"Excuse me? The _monster _is here, you know. I'm an _Avian American._ And you can kill Dylan for all I care."

"You are a _genetic hybrid_?" Hermione said incredulously.

Meanwhile, Harry pointed at Dylan's slumped body, and muttered, "Avada Kedavra." Dylan's body instantly became lifeless. Seeing this, Max smirked.

"Well… I should have known those rumors were true. There_ are _such things as human hybrids." Hermione muttered inaudibly.

"Harry! We need to find hocruxes, remember?" Ron told Harry.

"Of course I remember!" Harry said irritatably. "Let's go." He then grabbed Ron and Hermione and apparated to somewhere else, leaving Max both happy and surprised. Surprised because she met a thrio of wizards. Happy, no, _ecstatic _because Dylan was dead.

**Me: Sorry if you didn't understand those Harry Potter bits.**

**Maya: She really didn't have any more ideas. So she added them in.**

**Me: So. REVIEW, YOU PEOPLE! **


	6. Death By Cat

**Maya: Al's really happy.**

**Me: I got inspiration now! Thanks for your reviews, people! **

**Maya: Oh yeah, READ HER A/N BELOW! **

**Me: Yup. DISCLAIMER TIME!**

**Maya: She doesn't own The Flock. And she DEFINITELY DOES NOT, AND DOES NOT WANT TO OWN DYLAN.**

**Me: And ****Starry5447 gave me this idea! Thanks a truckload! :D**

**P.S. Cat **_**was **_**in Max's Flock. Until Dylan chased her out. She is Fang's sister.**

Dylan walked towards the back alley, deciding to take a shortcut back to Dr. Martinez's house, since he wanted to gaze at Max's perfect face. **(A/N: WEIRDO!) **

He could hear shuffling sounds all around him, but dismissed them. _Who could ever bear to attack someone as handsome and talented as me? _

He heard a faint 'meow', but just thought that it was some stray cat or something. Nevertheless, he started walking faster as he was getting very scared of the noises.

Suddenly, his attacker pounced on him from behind, knocking him down. He stood up quickly and tried to injure his attacker. The attacker was surprisingly agile and Dylan could not even attack. His attacker turned around and dug her nails into his face, leaving him with three deep gashes on the side of his face. Yes, it was a 'her'. The girl punched him again, and he was knocked to the ground again. That was when he noticed she wasn't an ordinary girl. She had ears that looked like a cat, and she had a long tail. Plus, she looked quite familiar... "Cat!" He gasped, recognising her. It was the same girl he had chased out of the flock. Fang's twin sister. She smiled maniacally, "Well, hello Dylan! I'm surprised that Max hasn't chased you out yet! You have chased sooo many of her valuable Flock members away!" She drawled. "What… what're you going to do to me?" He stuttered, knowing Cat was a little… _not right in the mind_, after she was experimented on. Even worse, she had always loathed him, and was always thinking about killing him.

"Please," Dylan pleaded, "spare my life!" Cat raised her eyebrow wordlessly, and gave a smirk, relishing the fact that Dylan was begging her for his life.

She shook her head, and swiftly took out her varpol blade, and stabbed him in his heart. Dylan gave an 'oomph' sound, but he became lifeless in a matter of seconds.

A pool of crimson blood started forming on his body. Seeing this, Cat giggled in amusement. She walked calmly back to Dr. Martinez's house to bring the news of Dylan's death, leaving his body in the back alley.

**Me: Well, it wasn't really gory. Cat is ****Starry5447's OC, I don't own her!**

**Maya: She's not gonna update for at least a week.**

**Me: Yeah, I have to go for a Beijing school immersion trip. And Maya will be in the care of my hyper hamster, Vanilla.**

**Maya: *groans* This will NOT be good.**

**Me: Well, thanks Mandy (mille feulle) and No namer44 (Yes, I consider that an idea) for giving me ideas for my next chapters! :) **

**Maya: She's really happy now. Make her happier by reviewing. Make me happier by helping her. She gets less weird after writing.**

**Me: PRESS THAT BUTTON...**


	7. Death By High Water Pressure

**Me: I'm back from China! :)**

**Maya: Finally. YOUR HAMSTER IS DRIVING ME MAD.**

**Me: Heheh. Sorry I took so long to update. **

**Maya: She bought like 3 books from China. **

**Me: They were so cheap! I finished City of Ashes on the flight back. **

**Maya: She doesn't own Maximum Ride.**

**Me: Okay, so I decided to let the Flock members kill Dylan first, then use the suggestions from my reviewers! :D **

**Maya: So... It's DEATH BY MAX!**

**Me: Let's get on with the story!**

-:-

"Max?"

"What," Max said tightly.

"I know you're not interested in me, but I hope you would give me a chance to–" Dylan started saying, looking up from a book called _How To Get Any Girl You Want_.

"Firstly, No, I will _not _give you a chance," she interrupted him. "Secondly, you're a freaking sexist pig. _How To Get Any Girl You Want_? Seriously? Are you _that _desperate?" She rolled her eyes, and walked off, thinking, _What a stupid (insert swear word of choice here)! _Memories of him stalking her flooded her mind. _That's it. I'm gonna get rid of him if no one else is going to._

-:-

"I'm going to bathe now!" Dylan announced to nobody in particular. He stepped into the bathroom, not knowing his doom awaited him…

-:-

Dylan moaned in happiness as he felt the warm water thumping on him. For some reason, the water was falling out of the showerhead a little harder than usual. Okay, make that _a lot _harder than usual. However, Dylan brushed the thought away. It felt so much like a massage, and it was really comforting… _Wait, it's getting really painful now… _He thought as the water pressure gradually got higher. He screamed in pain as the water hit his arm, causing it to bleed. While trying to move his arm away from the showerhead, his head came directly under the showerhead, and when the water hit it, the force was so great, that his head split open. The last thing that Dylan heard before collapsing to the floor was a delighted laugh from Max outside the bathroom…

-:-

**Maya: ...That was intense.**

**Me: No duh. But, I used ****MaxqFang's and Mandy's (mille feulle) ideas! Thanks a lot! :D**

**Maya: I shall now be very cautious when I bathe.**

**Me: *rolls eyes* Okay, review please! If you do, I'll give you a piece of cheesecake I baked my dad!**

**Maya: It tastes great. So review.**

**Me: I know! :) I'll try to do Fang killing Dylan next. BTW, Death By Bombs count as Gazzy and Iggy killing him. :) oh yeah, SIGN THIS PETITION IF YOU HATE DYLAN AND/OR IF YOU LOVE FAX! Go to: **

**http: / / www . ipetitions . com / petition / nomoredylanplease / ?utm _ medium = email & utm _ source = system & utm _ campaign = Send % 2Bto % 2BFriend [Remove the spaces], okay? I got this from GaleLover8's bio! **


	8. Death By Hit Girl

**Me: Hey, you people! :D I have nothing to write here, so on with the disclaimer!**

**Maya: She doesn't own Maximum Ride.**

**Me: SAD RIGHT! *sobs***

**Maya: *rolls eyes* Anyway, she got this idea from Jinx Argent…**

[:]

Fang went to his email and wasn't surprised to see many fan mails: _I LOVE YOU!_, _Great blog you have_, _Hit girl needed?_, _From your BIGGEST FAN :D_, _PLEASE READ AND REPLY! _

_Wait. Back up. _Fang scrolled up and sure enough, there was a subject called _Hit girl needed?_ He clicked on it, curious.

_Hey Fang_, it said.

_I know how much you hate that evil jerk, Dylan (I hate him too), so I'm offering to kill him for you. _Seeing this, Fang's widened his eyes. _I have years of experience, and I'll do a clean job. I know where you guys stay, and I will kill him once I have your consent. I hope you'll consider my idea._

_From, Alana._

So, she was willing to kill Dylan for him? He thought about it, then clicked 'reply' and typed quickly,

_Yo Alana,_

_I've considered your offer, and I consent. However, I would like to deliver the final blow. _

_Fly on, Fang._

He smirked and quickly logged out of his email before he could change his mind.

[:]

"I'm going out for a fly," Dylan told the Flock, and left the house, not noticing a tall blonde girl hiding behind the bushes, smiling evilly as she saw him fly away…

[:]

Fang looked down at Dylan's bloody body. Hearing him, Dylan looked up and looked at Fang pleadingly. "This is for stealing Max," he said coldly and whipped out a knife and stabbed Dylan directly in the heart.

[:]

**Me: GAHHHHH that was horrible.**

**Maya: *shrug* I don't know.**

**Me: Just review anyway…**


	9. Death By Nightlock Berries

**Me: HOLA! Maya has something to tell you.**

**Maya: Yeah, that she's gonna make Iggy kill Dylan in this chapter.**

**Me: Yup. I think the Death by Bombs wasn't enough for me. So I'm gonna make Iggy and Gazzy kill Dylan separately.**

**Maya: She's partially doing this because mille feulle gave her another idea.**

**Me: Yup. By the way, there's gonna be Hunger Games references her. Time for the disclaimer!**

**Maya: She doesn't own The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins does. She **_**also **_**doesn't own Maximum Ride, James Patterson does.**

**Me: On with the story!**

=.=

"So, what's for dessert, Iggy?" Gazzy asked. The Flock and Ella had just finished their main course, whole spring chicken, and were now awaiting their favourite part of dinner.

"It's pudding with berries in it," Iggy replied as he turned around and placed a bowl in front of everyone, one by one. They dug in, and Dylan was the first one to finish.

Dylan grinned and said, "Nice! For a blind guy, you sure–" His smile faltered, and everyone except Iggy was looking at him curiously. Iggy was leaning back on his chair with a slight smile on his pale face. Dylan started choking, and white foam began flowing out from his mouth. Everyone shrieked, except for Fang and Iggy and stood up, surprised.

"What did you do to him, Ig?" Fang asked, glancing at Dylan's body that had tumbled on the floor.

"Well, I just added some Nightlock berries to his pudding," Iggy said with an impish grin on his face.

"Cool! Is that the berries from that book, The Hunger Games? I didn't know they actually existed! Yeah, and he totally deserved it, he was–" Nudge got cut off by Ella's hand on her mouth. Ella, unlike the rest of the Flock, looked uneasy, probably not used to seeing dead bodies.

"Well, what do with do with the body? We have to get rid of it before Mom gets home," Max asked.

"Um, you guys just killed someone and you all, um, don't feel guilty?" Ella piped up.

Total rolled his eyes. "You should have seen how stalker-ish he was to Max. And. He was always boasting and stuff."

"Well," Angel said. "Why don't we just dump his body somewhere outside the yard and hide it, then we'll dispose of it tomorrow."

Everyone nodded, and started pulling Dylan's dead body out of the door.

**Me: Heheheh. I feel so evil.**

**Maya: You**_** are **_**evil. You **_**kidnapped **_**me.**

**Me: *rolls eyes* at least I give you rock candy.**

**Maya: I still hate you.**

**Me: Whatever. Review!**

**V**

**V**


	10. Death By Metal

**Me: I'm backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!**

**Maya: Oh boy. Run. She's hyper after drinking too much caffeine.**

**Me: *giggle* Don't listen to her. Andddddddd Asylum Survivor is back! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! She'll kill Dylan with Nudge! Wooohoooooo! *huggles Asylum Survivor***

**Maya: Fine. Cool down, okay?**

**Me: Sure thing! *hugs her* Disclaimer, m'dear!**

**Maya: *sigh* She doesn't own Maximum Ride.**

**Me: THAT'S JUST SAD, RIGHT?**

-:-

"Dylan, shut up! I'm, like, chatting with my friend! So go off and practise your horrible singing somewhere else!" Nudge snapped.

Max and Fang were at the movies, Iggy and Ella were on a date, and Gazzy and Angel were playing at the playground with Total and Akila, leaving Nudge and Dylan at home with nothing to do. Nudge was chatting with her online friend, while Dylan was practising his "singing", if you could call his screeching that.

Dylan stopped singing and glared at her, rolling his eyes. "What do _you_ know about music?" He scoffed. "Look at the music you listen to!" He gestured to all her Hannah Montana CDs.

Nudge rolled her eyes, and went back to her typing to her online friend.

_thenudgechannel: god, hes so irritating!_

_Asylum Survivor: hu?thenudgechannel: tat stupid dylan. his singing is sooooo crappy. _

_Asylum Survivor: aww poor u. :(_

_thenudgechannel: ikr. :/ i wish i could kill him._

_Asylum Survivor: u serious? i could help u with tat if u r._

_thenudgechannel: duh of cos im serious. give me tips on how to kill him pls! _

_Asylum Survivor: hmmm u sure u serious? kk fine ill help u._

_thenudgechannel: yayyyy!1!1 k tell me how! :)_

_Asylum Survivor: ok. first you can still attract metal to u rite?_

-:-

As Asylum Survivor gave her ideas on how to kill Dylan, she smiled deviously and thought, _Dylan, get ready for your doom_.

-:-

"Dylan? I've got something for you!" Nudge called out in a sing-song voice. "It's really nice, too! Plus, the design is soooo intricate, and the–" Nudge said, until Dylan stopped her.

"You want me to wear _that_?" Dylan pointed to the shirt and jeans she was holding. "What for?"

"Just try it! You'll look great, I promise! Go!" She shoved the shirt and jeans into his hands and pushed him into the toilet.

-:-

"Nudge? Um, it's kinda, no, _really_, heavy. When can I get out of this outfit? I'm only wearing this because it looks great on me, you know. But actually, _everything _looks great on me," he said, once he came out of the toilet. Nudge rolled her eyes, and said sweetly, "Don't worry! You would be put out of your misery soon!"

"Wha–" His eyes widened as Nudge waved her hands in the air, and his body bent into seemingly impossible positions. "Nudge!" He screamed as the 12 year old girl had total control over his body.

"This is your retribution, (insert swear word here)," she hissed as she continued manipulating his body. It turned out that the shirt and jeans had metal pins in them all over, and she could control how they moved...

-:-

"Oh my gosh, Nudge! What the shit happened here?" was the first thing Max said when she got home, seeing Dylan's mutilated, bloody and lifeless body on the floor.

-:-

**Me: My dearest fwend Mandy gave me that idea. Isn't she greattttttttttttttt? *laughs***

**Maya: Yes, okay, whatever.**

**Me: *sings* I believe I can flyyyyyy! I believe I can touch the skyyyyyyyy! Wheeeeeeeee! *giggles* I LOVE YOU GUYS YO!**

***bear hugs mille feulle* OH YEAH I FORGOT. I'm going on holiday to America! SOOOO I won't be able to upload anything for 2 weeks at leastttttt!**

**Maya: Please review. Thanks. I have to go calm her down now.**

**Me: I DON'T NEED CALMING DOWN! I'M PERFECTLY CALMED DOWN. LALALALALALA SING A HAPPY SONG!**

Clicky me!

V


	11. Death by a Voice

**Me: I'm back! **

**Maya: Nooooooo! Run!**

**Me: *glare* Hmph. You lot are evil. Guess what I saw in America~**

**Maya: People? Buildings? Stuff?**

**Me: Oh, shut up. Harry, Ron and Hermione's handprint, footprint, signature and wandprint! YAYYYY! **

**Maya: *whispers* She's crazy.**

**Me: Oh, you mean you just found out? You know what I don't own, right?**

**Maya: If you're dumb and you have no idea what's she talking about, it's the MR characters.**

-:-

_The Mistletoe album. It comes out today! _Dylan thought as he looked at his calendar at 5am. _I must get it. _Without bothering to change out of his pyjamas, he rushed out of Dr Martinez's house with his wallet.

-:-

"No, there aren't any more CDs. It sold out at about 4.30, okay?" The shopkeeper said impatiently.

Dylan's furrowed his brows in frustration. This shop was the only CD shop that was near the house. Finding another would mean flying miles. Which would mean disobeying the love of his life. **(A/N: Puke.) **He nodded slowly and walked back to the house.

-:-

"Shut up already," Max snapped, "it's not like the world is ending just because you can't get that album today."

"You don't understand! I need it _now_!"

Max rolled her eyes and walked off, leaving Dylan miserable.

_Chocolates would make me happier, _he decided as he walked to the kitchen. _It has some chemical called you-phe-something-something. _He smiled to himself, proud that he could remember it.

-:-

As he opened the fridge, he heard a soft voice. "Dylan," it said. "Dylan…" Hearing it, his heart skipped a beat. Wasn't that _Justin Bieber_'s voice? "Do you want to meet me? To get my autographed album?" It continued, and Dylan nodded his head vigorously.

"Well, then pick the knife beside you, and push it through you. You'll then meet me!"

Following the voice's instructions, he picked the knife up. He hesitated a little, then pushed it through his chest, deciding that it would really let him see JB. Crimson blood flowed out of his chest, and he fell on the kitchen floor. His vision blurred, but he could still make out a boy with spiky blond hair and blue eyes stepping out of the cupboard. Gazzy.

Gazzy grinned and said in Justin Bieber's voice, "Goodbye."

-:-

**Me: *grins nervously* I hope you guys don't get nightmares.**

**Maya: *shrug* I think there were some chapters more gruesome than this.**

**Me: So true. Oh, and no offence to Justin Bieber and his fans. Of course, I don't own JB. Yeah.**

**Maya: You know what to do.**

**V **


	12. Death By Dogs

**Maya: Oh, hey. I'm helping Al update because she's in Johor Bahru with her family for a short trip. And no, I didn't write this. She did, and I uploaded it. Also, she doesn't own Maximum Ride. Today, you'll witness the death of Dylan, because of the Scottish Terrier, Total.**

-:-

"What type of rule is _that_, huh? No dogs allowed? Those people are moronic!" Total complained as he stood outside the shopping mall.

Max shrugged. "We can't do anything about it, Total," she looked at Dylan, "Dylan will bring you home okay?"

He made a sort of 'hmph' sound indignantly, and walked off, with Dylan reluctantly trailing behind.

-:-

Akila looked at Total in confusion when he came back and barked a few times.

"Oh, nothing's wrong, my love, those idiotic people just didn't let dogs in the mall."

Dylan sighed. _Am I doomed to take care of these three dogs all day, instead of hanging out with my one true soulmate? _

"Dylan? Akila and I want food, can you get us some?"

Irritated, Dylan stood up, and went to the kitchen. He grabbed two dog bowls and emptied some dog food for them.

"There." He dropped the bowls in front of them. Akila started happily eating, while Total looked disgustedly at the food. Total glared at Dylan.

"What is this?"

"Dog food. Isn't that what you wanted?"

Total scoffed, "_Dog food_? Only barbarians eat them, and no, I'm not implying Akila's a barbarian. You will go and cook some bacon for me, or else I won't be satisfied."

"I won't cook it for you, you're just a _stupid_ dog," Dylan snapped.

"Dog? A _mere _dog?" Total screeched as Dylan shrugged. "Oh, you _will _pay for this, you (bleeeeeeep)! Akila, Magnolia, get him!"

Hearing this, Magnolia came out of Ella's room and starting barking at Dylan. Akila and Total snapped their jaws, and Dylan blinked, surprised.

Magnolia attacked first, sinking her teeth into Dylan's arm, and he howled in pain. Akila started ripping his thigh apart, while Total went right up to him and tore at his face.

-:-

"We're back!" Ella announced cheerfully as she opened the door. She looked at the bloody mess on the floor and screamed shrilly, causing the whole Flock to barge in in surprise.

"What— Oh my God." Gazzy got cut off as he stared at Dylan's body on the floor.

"What the hell happened? Total!" Max snapped. She spun around to look at Total.

Total rolled his eyes. "I just took care of him for you guys. You all wanted him gone, didn't you?"

Angel scooped him into her arms, and grinned, "Good boy," as she patted him on his head.

-:-

**Maya: Yup. You guys really **_**do **_**hate him, right? And as AccioFax would say,**

**REVIEW!**


	13. Death By Poison

**Me: Too lazy to type stuff. Onwards with the story.**

**Maya: *pops up* Don't sue the person that doesn't own MR.**

-:-

_The worst part? When I cast a surreptitious glance at Dylan and saw the discomfort in his beautiful turquoise eyes morph into a flicker of hope._

"Oh, and how about Dylan?" Dr Martinez snapped. "I'm sure _he _doesn't agree to breeding with Max! Not at this age!"

"Well, Dr Martinez," Dylan piped up, and everyone looked at him. "I don't mind doing _it _with Max." _OF COURSE I FREAKING WANT TO HAVE MAX! _He screamed in his head._ I wonder how she'll look like when…(insert horny thought here)... Mmmmm..._

Angel turned her head around and glared at him sharply, just as Dr Martinez was doing.

Max clenched her fist, and counted from 10 backwards. _10...9...8...Who the hell does Dr Hans think he is anyway? _

Dr Gunther-Hagen smiled. "Glad to see that you're compliant, Dylan." He turned to Max. "Now, if only _you_ were to agree—"

"My daughter will not breed with him, you bastards!" Dr Martinez burst out. "Get out of here, both of you. Now."

Jeb nodded sadly, but before he and Dr Hans could go—

"HOW DARE YOU THINK LIKE THAT! MAX CAN MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS, SHE DOESN'T NEED YOU, YOU (censored)!"

Everyone stared at Angel. Dr Martinez furrowed her eyebrows, and gave her a questioning look.

"He…he wanted to (beeep) Max and then (beeeeep) her," she said in a shaky voice, while Dylan turned red. Max stood up, turned to Dylan, and said tightly, "Oh, you're gonna pay for that."

"Let me handle this, Max," Dr Martinez said softly. She looked up at Dylan. "Stay away from Max," she said simply, to everyone's astonishment. They had expected a full-on brawl between Max and Dylan or something.

_I'll get you next time. You don't deserve to end that painlessly, _Dr Martinez added in her head.

-:-

Dylan looked at Dr Martinez nervously. Surely the vaccination wouldn't hurt, right?

"Just sit down, and I'll give you a shot," Dr Martinez said impatiently. She had just dealt with five birdkids who had freaked out when she took the needle out and tried to run away, and wasn't really in the mood for him to be resisting the shot.

"Um, okay." He gingerly sat down and looked at the doctor, who was approaching him.

She swiftly directed the needle to his left arm and pressed the plunger.

_Well, that wasn't so bad, _Dylan thought as he stood up. _It was better than— _He coughed as he felt something grainy in his throat.

Almost at the same time, his whole body started burning up, and it felt as if he was on fire.

"What's…what's…happenin'?" He managed to choke out.

Dr Martinez turned around, and instead of having a confused or concerned look like he thought she would have, she had a hard look on her face.

"This is what you get for trying to _breed_ with Max," she said. "You'll first burn up, then have seizures. You'll then keep on vomiting, and whether you survive depends on if you are dehydrated enough after that.

Without waiting for Dylan to answer, Dr Martinez walked out of the room and locked the door, without waiting for his reaction.

-:-

"Whaddaya mean you left him in the room, Dr Martinez?" Gazzy asked as they walked to the room.

His question was answered when Angel opened the door.

Nudge screamed, and Max and Angel gave a little yelp of horror. Gazzy simply looked at it in sick fascination. Iggy, of course, was clueless, but he could smell something rancid.

"Is…is…that _Dylan_?" Gazzy pointed a finger at the body on the floor.

Dr Martinez shrugged. "Yes, it is. Now, Max, let's dispose this body."

-:-

**Maya: Urgh. *shudders***

**Me: ...just review. Thanks. Oh, and **_**yes**_**, that is an excerpt from ANGEL. **

**Maya: *whispers* She just finished reading The Giver and she's really angry that Gabriel died. So review, okay? **


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